About four years ago, when I first decided I wanted to live the polyamorous lifestyle, I finally read a fantastic book that had been recommended to me separately by several good friends. The title of that book was The Ethical Slut.
This book played a vital role in helping me overcome some old hangups in my head, and come to terms with the sort of slut I wanted to be. The writers, Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, didn’t use the word “slut” pejoratively. They wanted a word to describe people who love sex with lots of different people, and chose “slut” as a useful descriptor, doing their bit to reclaim it from its pejorative meaning in the process.
When I mention that title to people, sometimes they laugh as though I’ve told a joke, or they look confused – a lot of people think that living as an ethical person and living as a slut are mutually exclusive. I disagree, just as the writers of my favourite book on polyamory did before me. Ethics means treating people well, and being a slut means sleeping with a lot of people. I believe it’s totally possible to do both – not always easy, but it’s definitely possible.
My goal in life is to live as ethically and happily as possible. For me, this means being an ethical slut. It means never sleeping with anyone if there’s any question about their enthusiastic consent. It means treating my partners well, and treating THEIR partners well. It means loving myself and learning every day to be a better person, making choices deliberately instead of being carried along by circumstances. And last, but by no means least, it means delighting in the pleasures of sex with the people I love, without shame or guilt.
I am an ethical slut, and I’d like to share a little slice of my life with you.